Handbook: For Those Who Love The Vikings But Hate Brett Favre (Round 2)

 

I’ve had quite a positive response to my first round of Handbook that I posted last week.  Make sure to check that out before reading this post so that you can get caught up and read steps one through five.

So one preseason game is in the books, and strangely a 1 of 4 performance for only 4 yards did not win you over to the point of strapping on a purple cheesehead with the number “4” stenciled on the sides.  I can relate.

So, if the site of the grizzly, gray-haired pill-popper in purple was just too much to bear on Friday, keep reading Handbook.  The hope is to try and get you past your hatred of Brett Favre, so that he doesn’t succeed in ruining your enjoyment of yet another Vikings football season.

Step Six:  It’s In The Game, But He’s Not

Madden 2010 came out just a gray hair too early, and the fine folks at EA Sports were unable to add Favre into the game.  Instead, if you want the mountain man on your team then you have to download a roster update.

As someone who hates Brett Favre, this presents you with some options.

First, you could forego the download altogether and just play the season with whichever quarterback you thought was going to win the starting nod.  Afterall, video games are a fantasy world in which you get a say… so why not prefer to live in a world where Brett Favre simply re-un-un-re-re-un-retired (i.e. stayed home).

Second, you can do the download and then immediately cut him or trade him.  If you do this, I recommend trading him to the Lions for a half-eaten pack of skittles.  This will ensure that you get to pound Favre into the ground at least twice a season.  Taking control of Jared Allen or E.J. Henderson will have never been so fun.

Third, you can always just play it out.  I know, you’ll feel a little bit dirty about it.  But if you’re a purest, and always play that first season with the as-is roster, then it’s not your fault.  Play it out and if you can’t stand it just bench him in favor of Tarvaris Jackson.  Then you’ll smile to yourself knowing that if it were the real Brett Favre you’d just benched then he’d probably retire just in time to unretired and join the Lions in order to get “payback.”  At that point, the scenario described in the second section would become a reality.

Step Seven:  Do Not Accept “I Told You So”

You’ve doubtless got some friends who think getting Favre was the best football move in the history of sports.  They’re Super Bowl bound now!  Is it too Early to talk about an undefeated season!?!  Imagine how much better Adrian Peterson will be!  Please, give me a break.

Well, I’m warning you, this talk will get worse before it gets better.  Look at the first three games.  Browns, Lions, and Niners to start off the season.  They could bring back Terry Bradshaw and he would lead this Vikings team to a 3-0 start against this schedule.  Favre probably will, too.

So come week four, that incredibly hyped game against the Pack, there will be a lot of Favre ass-kissing going on by certain Vikings fans.  They’ll want to shove it in your face how wrong you were when you said getting Favre was a terrible idea.  Don’t let them get the best of you, though.  Don’t respond at all.

Afterall, you are smart enough to realize that the Vikings have a schedule coming up that includes actual football teams like the Ravens, Steelers, Bears and Giants. 

So, while many people will have counted their chickens before they’ve hatched in week four, remember that 75% of the schedule still remains.  And that those teams are much, much tougher.

Step Eight:  Realize It’ll All Be Over Soon

The guy isn’t some sort of vampire (that we know of) so it isn’t like he’ll be a Viking forever.  So while you know this is going to be painful, just think of it as a quick shot in the ass.  Like the doctor says, “you’re going to feel a slight pinch, might sting a little, but then it’ll all be over.” 

So, make sure to look to the future.  No matter how well or poor the Vikings are playing, it never hurts to keep an eye on next year’s quarterback crop.  So don’t be afraid to keep yourself informed on Phillip Rivers’ contract status (this is his last year) or how the top college quarterbacks are doing.

Jevon Snead, Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy, and Tim Tebow will be able to give you some hope for next season.  So don’t be afraid to treat Favre as exactly what he is… a one year stop gap.

So while having Favre under center this year might sting a little, it’ll all be over soon.

Step Nine:  Become Bernard Berrian’s Biggest Fan

On Friday, we all saw how “experts” are willing to throw our receiver under the bus.  They were absolutely ridiculous with their “the receivers should’ve been where Favre threw it” reaction to Favre’s poor outing.  Of course, Favre couldn’t have just thrown crappy passes… impossible.

So , in order to get through this season as a Vikings fan that hates Brett Favre, you will need to become the biggest fan of the Vikings wide outs.  You need to cheer for the talent we have there.

So when Bernard Berrian blazes for a 74 touchdown or Sidney Rice snags a one-handed first down make sure to not hold yourself back from cheering just because Favre threw the pass.

Give credit to the pass catchers and make sure to keep it positive by rooting for the passing team.  Don’t be afraid to give credit to Favre when it is necessary, as well.  We’ve never doubted that the guy is capable of making plays, and acknowledging a well-thrown pass is not going to make you a traitor like he is.

However, the Vikings receivers are going to get blamed for every poor Favre throw, so don’t be afraid to give them a little extra credit in your household when the make the veteran look good.

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2 Responses to “Handbook: For Those Who Love The Vikings But Hate Brett Favre (Round 2)”

  1. [...] can see part 1, part 2, and part 3 of my Handbook: For Those Who Love The Vikings But Hate Brett Favre by clicking on the [...]

  2. [...] be found in my Handbook: For Those Who Love The Vikings But Hate Brett Favre.  Here is parts one, two, three, and five (I passed on number four, just like the Vikings should [...]

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