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Handbook: For those Who Love The Vikings But Hate Brett Favre (Part Five)

You can see part 1, part 2, and part 3 of my Handbook: For Those Who Love The Vikings But Hate Brett Favre by clicking on the links.  I am happy to present to you Part Five of the series below.

Where is Part 4 you ask?  Well, let’s just say I’m passing on #4… just like the Vikings should have.

And for those of you that gush over Favre, and possibly want to name your first born child after him, just remember that you have not endured the better part of two decades hating the man.  Unless you are a devoted Vikings fan who loathes Brett Favre, then you won’t like what some of us have to say about him.  So please move along to the next post… and don’t get your panties in a bunch.

So onto the next steps of the series.  Enjoy!

STEP FIFTEEN: Challenge Those Hilarious Friends To Get Creative

This one is a follow up to Step Fourteen, which deals with your Christmas is in jeopardy of being ruined by all sorts of Favre related gifts.  This step deals with challenging those friends and family members that think your hatred of Brett Favre is amusing to get creative. 

I had a good friend of mine, who happens to be a Forty-Niners fan (chuckle, couch, chuckle), that actually decided that if he were to waste money on me for this year’s Christmas, he was going to take the Favre gag gift ideas to the next level.  He threatened to get creative and not only buy me a Favre jersey, but he wanted to buy me Favre’s college jersey.

I had to give him props for this notion, as only a true fan of Favre would own a Southern Mississippi jersey.  So, touché, sir.  Touché.

The next time you have someone tell you how funny it’s going to be when the Favre earrings they ordered you show up at your door, simply challenge them to get more creative.  You might just save Christmas.

STEP SIXTEEN: Realizing This Helps The Homeless

There is a somewhat heartwarming tale to come out of the story of Purple Judas. 

So many people in Wisconsin were simply throwing away and burning their Favre jerseys (geesh, maybe someone should write them a Handbook) as a way of coping with the betrayal of their most beloved figure. 

However, radio jockeys around the state are encouraging folks to put the jerseys to good use.  They are asking people to donate their green & gold number fours to homeless people.

So the next time you’re driving through cheese country and you see hundreds of homeless Brett Favre’s wandering the streets of Milwaukee… remember, it was all for a good cause. 

STEP SEVENTEEN: Send A Rocking Chair

An unknown Viking recently placed a rocking chair in front of Brett Favre’s lockers.

First off, way to go!

Second, how great of a protest to this whole Favre thing would it be if we ALL sent rocking chairs to the Metrodome? 

Just sayin’… do your part.  Send a rocking chair to the old guy who’s quarterbacking this team.

STEP EIGHTEEN: At Least He’s As Worried As We Are

You think this whole Favre thing could backfire in our faces?  Well, so does Brett Favre. 

This is evident by the way he has lined up a bunch of pre-excuses in case he fails miserably.

A faulty rotator cuff.  Unconfirmed cracked ribs.  His Age.  His lack of understanding of the nuances of the playbook.  No chemistry with Bernard Berrian.  Sore ankles.  Blah, Blah, Blah.

So take comfort in knowing you’re not the only one who thinks this may end in disaster.  Favre himself is already preparing for that scenario.

He may have already rehearsed his press conference, purchased fake tears, and picked out a new hat for the occasion.

STEP NINETEEN: Refrain From The Boo Birds

It will be really tough to refrain from booing Brett Favre when he takes the field… or throws a pick… or throws a TD… or blinks.

But remember, Favre is only 1 guy on a team of 53.  And boos are the type of thing that can throw off an entire team, not just one player. 

We’re rooting for the Vikings here folks, and while you don’t have to root for Favre, don’t boo him.

STEP TWENTY: Start A Support Group

There are plenty of us out there that are in for an avalanche of mixed emotions when Favre leads the Vikings to a victory over the Browns on Sunday.  You may not know how to deal with this mixture of joy and hatred.  The best way to help that is to start a support group.

Find a group of guys (and girls) that love the Vikings but hate Brett Favre.  Buy Beer.  Watch the game together.  Then come back here and leave comments as a group about how you felt about the game and what I should write about in part six.

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9 Responses to “Handbook: For those Who Love The Vikings But Hate Brett Favre (Part Five)”

  1. “Where Part 4 you ask? Well, let’s just say I’m passing on #4… just like the Vikings should have.”

    I don’t hate Brett Favre, but that might be the best line I’ve read in a blog in a long time!

    Jason –

  2. […] Gab has been helping Vikings fans who hate Favre get through their conflicted feelings.  Well, I just can’t […]

  3. Dawson says:

    With Brett’s current fashion facial hair and demeanor, he could easily blend in with a crowd of homeless people wearing his jersey… I think this is a safety plan, having body doubles around to confuse potential assailants.

  4. […] Looks like a Wisconsin Fire Department might have actually read Step Sixteen of my Handbook. […]

  5. JT says:

    You’re a moron! What do you think of Favre now? I’ve been a Packers Fan for 21 years now… Got my first GB Jersey at the age of 8. Watched Favre for the first time when I was 12 or 13, and no one plays the game like he does! I’ll bet you have a Favre Jersey by now, don’t you! I’m happy the Vikes stuck it to GB the other day. The 3 Stooges need to pay for letting him go… If they still had him, the Pack would be the ones who are 4-0, and the Vikes would have ended up signing Garcia or someone after T-Jack choked and Chilly would have been on the first thing smokin’ after the season…. The Vikes WILL go to the Superbowl this year, I guarantee it! Wouldn’t have happened without Brett…..

  6. […] people in all fields have the ability to concentrate – to “get in the flow” – at will. Handbook: For those Who Love The Vikings But Hate Brett Favre (Part Five) – 09/10/2009 You can see part 1 , part 2 , and part 3 of my Handbook: For Those Who […]

  7. […] year, I had to plant my foot squarely in my own mouth when I wrote a series of opinion pieces about how signing Favre was going to end up being a business decision that negatively affected this […]

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  9. […] never liked Brett Favre playing for the Vikings, which is well documented by some of my earliest work, because I felt that he would always be a Green Bay Packer.  Nix that, I thought he was the Green […]

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