Letter To Packer Joe

fat-packer-fan

Dear Packer Joe,

Well, we have had the displeasure of knowing each other for our entire lives now, and yet another NFL season has come and gone… well, at least for you anyways… as marked by your record-setting loss to the Cardinals on Sunday.

I would like to pass along a few sentiments, the first of which is sympathy.  It is tough to see your team completely implode in the first three minutes of a game and be forced to dig themselves out of a hole so deep that most of your kin folk probably turned off the AM radio and just headed back to the cheese factories.

Then, to have them come so close only to have your quarterback be crunched in half while dropping the ball was a sight that had to make you cringe.  Then, as if some sort of karma was at play for that Antonio Freeman catch way back when on MNF, watching your new heroic quarterback inadvertently kick the football into the air had to make your heart leap.  And then comes the heartbreak, watching a defensive player snag the ball out of the air and run it into your endzone… ending what was indeed a very impressive late-season run.

Now you must have an empty feeling inside you.  There is nothing left for you to do besides bitch about how the refs jobbed you on so many plays.  Those are tough breaks, and breaks that Viking Joe is all too familiar with, as well.  I do hope, for your sake, that your grief is as brief as your playoff run was.

The next sentiment I would like to extend to you is gratitude.  If it weren’t for your team giving us not only your Hall of Fame quarterback, but two fairly easy wins in the regular season, it would probably be your team that earned the playoff bye week instead of ours.  But alas, thanks to your generosity and kindness, the Vikings have not only taken the NFC North Championship two years in a row, but our season has also lasted longer than yours.  Regardless of how our season ends, it’ll be very comforting to know that, at the very least, we out did our most hated rivals… again.

Lastly, I want to ensure you that your offseason will be just as exciting for you as the regular season was.  With Chad Clifton, Daryn Colledge, Jason Spitz, Ryan Pickett, Alfred Malone, Johnny Jolly, Aaron Kampman, Will Blackmon, Nick Collins, and Atari Bigby all possibly having played their last game as a Packer I am sure you will be plenty capable of upgrading a roster that went one-and-done in the Wild Card round. 

Oh, and you’ll be able to celebrate Mark Tauscher and Charles Woodson’s 33rd birthday.  Not to mention Clifton will be turning the big 34 this year!  Woo Hoo!  As usual, however, Donald Driver is not to be outdone.  In what will surely be his last season as a Packer, and possibly in the NFL, Driver will be turning 35 this year!

Looks to me like your team leaders, McCarthy and Thompson, will have quite a bit of unrest in the roster this year.  As you know, however, I am sure they’ll be up to the challenge.  Oh, and don’t fret if they forget to upgrade the  offensive line… again.  I am sure next year Aaron Rodgers won’t have the ball get knocked loose in overtime of your season’s most important game and end any hopes you had of establishing your club as one of the NFL’s elite… or would he?

So, I am sure we won’t talk for a while seeing as how I’ll be watching my team in the playoffs and you probably wouldn’t have much to say anyways.  So, until we meet next time, don’t forget…

There Is Always Next Year!  Oh, and GO BREWERS!

Sincerely,

Adam

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59 Responses to “Letter To Packer Joe”

  1. Viking John says:

    Nice Adam, way to go.
    Go Vikes

  2. bigjohnny84 says:

    Adam, you are damn good at trash talking. loved it!

    • Adam Warwas says:

      Aww… that is barely trash talking. Speaking of, I am rejuvenating my old feature called “Trash Talk” that I used to do. I have a Vikings blogger on tap and it’ll be posted later this week, stay tuned!

  3. Purple Charlie says:

    Adam,
    Boy, You can be Heartless and Nasty when you want… Nice!!!

    That picture is enough to make me thankful I’m not a Packers fan.

  4. kj says:

    As a resident of WI and a Vikes fan it was most satisfying here at work yesterday hearing all that ref blamestorming going on. Poor little cheese hearts were crumbled and melted on toast by Arizona.

    Only thing better would have been beating them for a 3rd time this year but I’ll take what I can get.

  5. bigjohnny84 says:

    kj,are they all blaming the official for the loss? By definition that wasnt a facemask penalty.

  6. Hoyhtya says:

    Great letter Adam. I needed a smile to my day…and that did it! Nothing better then the truth!

  7. CO Vike Fan says:

    LMAO, wait on this blog I can say LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!! Hope you don’t mind if we share this with a few of our brokenhearted Puker fan friends

  8. Tomb says:

    That’s a beautiful sentiment, Mr. Warwas…brought a tear to my eye.

  9. Viking John says:

    One other thing about the puckers, does anyone else think that AJ Hawk is leaning towards a bust pick? He just doesn’t do anything. Their rookie Mathews might be a good LB though.
    Go Vikes

    • bigjohnny84 says:

      John, I’ve thought that since they drafted him. I was so glad the cheeseheads drafted Hawk instead of Greenway. I would submit, that worked in our favor, big time.

      • Tomb says:

        I was depressed, at first, that Hawk went to the Cheesers, and we “settled” for Greenway, ESPECIALLY after Chad was out the first year.

        Now, yes, I’d officially call Hawk a bust. He should have been a 5th or 6th rounder, not a first.

        Matthews appears to be a beast, though.

      • starrc10 says:

        Clay Matthews is like a smaller more aggressive version of Jared Allen. Every down he tries to rush the passer (with the same effing move every time) and leaves the Tackle-Guard gap wide open. Thats why the strip sack of AP was on his side, after Adrian got up the middle and 4 packers were trying to tackle him Clay the Caveman realized what was going on and got in on the play.

        Boo Packers.

      • Tomb says:

        More aggressive? Me-thinks you forgot The Mullet hobbling after that miscreant Lion guy (I forget his name. Then again, I’d be hard pressed to name anybody from that hapless organization) that went after his knees, ready to incur his wrath.

        Didn’t he also go after the entire Chicago bench sometime in the first meeting?

        Freakin’ priceless.

      • starrc10 says:

        Gosder Cherilus… He could be the poster boy for that worthless organization, if there old GM, whats his name Mullen, didnt already have that role.

  10. fozz44 says:

    Adam, am I picking up a bit of sarcasm in your post….subtle perhaps?

    That was brilliant.

  11. starrc10 says:

    Packer Joe,

    Don’t listen to Adam. You are staking your heart to a doomed franchise. Your soul will be forever grafted upon the greif of yesterday. There is no hope in Cheese, Beer or whatever else you may be doing. Give up.

    Sincerely,
    Your conscience

  12. Tomb says:

    Hawk’s jersey sales may not be a boon, but judging by the picture of that fat, cheese-riddled stench-monkey above, A.J. may be able to corner that pesky Breen Gay nipple sticker market.

    Yuck.

    I wish it was closer to the end of business day–I could use a drink to wash the imagery from my mind.

    • B. Grant says:

      Aw, Tomb, don’t let a little thing like work stop you from doing what must be done in life!

      Adam, if I were a Packer fan, I would be so pissed at you – that was totally uncalled for. Therefore, I loved it!

      Regarding calls, I was pleased that little was made of the job the refs did on us in the Chicago game. There were several brutal calls and misses in that game, but we all knew it was the fault of our Vikes that cost us that game. Ditto for the Cheese Packers in this one.

    • Adam Warwas says:

      Nasty image Tomb… ick.

  13. B. Grant says:

    Talked you into it? One sentence? Wow, I think you were pretty close already, but glad I could help.

    • starrc10 says:

      Are you John Locke from the show LOST? He was always talking people into stuff.

    • Tomb says:

      Don’t sell yourself Coach. You’re an inspirational leader, not unlike our own coaching phenom and bestest big toe, Brad Childress.

      BTW, who the hell was it that compared Chilly to Squidward from Spongebob Squarepants? I can’t look at Chilly anymore without comparing him to Squidward. Damn you.

      • bigjohnny84 says:

        I believe it was Charlie, Tomb. You must have got back from the liquor store. If Chili would just wear a hat, life would be alot easier.

      • B. Grant says:

        Selling myslef is not on my list of temptations, Tomb. ‘No buyers’ would be the main reason. Besides, someone said you could actually get arrested as either a buyer or seller. Geez, there are rules for everything these days.

        I concur that a hat would do wonders for Chili, bigj. What about a pretty-boy Tom Landry look for the Bradster? Put him in a tie and blazer, add a dress hat and lose that moss-looking beard. Now that would be an image!

      • bigjohnny84 says:

        Agree coach. Although I would settle for a baseball cap and blue jeans but definitely lose that God awful beard.

      • Nume says:

        Am I the only one that thinks the beard actually makes him look slightly less weird? He is such a weird looking dude that anything to cover that up at all is a good thing imo :P.

      • Tomb says:

        Ironic that my comment was short a “short.”

        I think Chilly should go with some big ass Elvis chops, and shave the rest of his head. It’d be pimp.

      • bigjohnny84 says:

        Nume. To me the beard gives hime the child predator look or some other kind of pervert.

      • Purple Charlie says:

        Sorry Tomb,
        I call him Squidward when I’m mad at him…
        He gets called that quite often at times…

  14. starrc10 says:

    Adam,

    I forgot to tell you that this picture is the funniest thing in the world. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson and many before him: “its funny because its true.”

    Btw: are we rooting for the Cardinals two weeks in a row? If they win we get the Domefield advantage in the Conference Championship. Go Birds, again.

    • Adam Warwas says:

      Yeah, way back when I did my “Trash Talking” segment with the guy from packerranter.com he actually pointed me to this photo (he’s the coolest cheesehead I’d ever talked to) and I instantly saved it for future use. Great photo!

  15. Tomb says:

    Freakin’ hilarious slam at the Pukers. If nothing, that pudgy bastard Ryan is amusing:

    Posted by Gregg Rosenthal on January 12, 2010 4:06 PM ET

    When Jets coach Rex Ryan heard that Darrelle Revis finished behind Charles Woodson in the Defensive Player of the Year voting, he reacted calmly with congratulations.

    Okay, we made that up.

    Ryan was pissed and didn’t try to hide it. We love it.

    “A number that I think is interesting is eight. No, that’s not the amount of touchdown passes Green Bay gave up against Arizona. That’s the amount of touchdown passes we gave up all season. The biggest reason for that is Darrelle Revis.”

    “I wasn’t going to comment on it,” said Ryan. “You know what I would like? I would like to congratulate the people who voted for Darrelle Revis, those guys obviously really know the game.”

  16. Brett says:

    Question guys:

    Does anyone know (WHEN we win this week), what time the NFC championship game will be Sunday?

    Thanks!

  17. Fran the Man says:

    Very nice letter to all the Cheeseheads Adam. I’m sure it made them feel much better.

    Of course, there’s not a whole lot of “feeling better” over there in cheeseland. . .all is right in the world.

  18. Fragile Freds says:

    AKs -

    A lovely tribute. Freds would like to buy you a beard hat and a room temperature Colt 45 for your above and beyond tribune.

  19. AnotherBlondeViking says:

    Loved it! Loved it!! Loved it!!!!

    The photo perfectly captures my image of a Puker fan!

    Thanks for the laugh!

  20. Lost Viking says:

    But why won’t Thompson/McCarthy let QB coach Tom Clements be interviewed for Offensive Coordinator position with the Bear?

    Same possessive streak we saw with Favre. Ugly

  21. [...] Vikings Gab: More piling on the Packers? Sure, why not. Vikings Gab writes a letter to Packer Joe in a perfectly sarcastic tone that I find absolutely lovely. Is Packer Joe real? I dunno. I don’t really care either, because he’s a stupid Packer fan. Good stuff though. [...]

  22. Blowme says:

    Nice effort by the Vikings in the NFC Championship game.

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