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Trash Talkin’ With A Fish Fan

As most of you know, I enjoy finding a fan from our upcoming opponents to do a little pregame “trash talking” with.  This week I had to look no further than my weekly poker table, as Dawson Moore is one of the best Dolphins fans I know and very football smart.  He also happens to be my best friend and mentor.  I let Dawson get the first and last word in this segment, but I am positive the Vikings will not be so kind on Sunday.

I’m in purple and he’s in that slimy fish color:

DM:  First off, I have to give the Vikings credit. They are clearly one of the most talented rosters in the NFL, top to bottom. Even when they’re having an off-game like they did in week one, it’s peppered with amazing individual plays. They’re deeper and more talented than my beloved Dolphins, who didn’t wow anyone with barely beating one of the worst teams in the NFL in week one. But the Vikings have two major concerns that I KNOW we’re going to take advantage of… one, their line seems really suspect. Miami’s got an explosive collection of guys, led by CFL-import Cameron Wake, who are going to make the only grandfather quarterback in the NFL feel very, very old. And two, you have the worst play calling coach out there. Worse than Wade, worse than anyone. He deserves credit for how talented the crew is, but every week, he seems like he’s trying to sabotage them, usually because he’s too in love with the old man throwing the ball, instead of the beast running it. If it gets close, give me Tony “Spartacus” Sparano every time over Chili, who rumor has it determines his play calls using a Ouija application on his iPhone.

AW:  First off, I want to make it clear that I disagree with you about Brad Childress.  He would never own an iPhone.  But the on field coaches such as Pat Williams, Antoine Winfield, Brett Favre, Steve Hutchinson, and Heath Farwell go a long ways towards making up for Chilli’s struggles in this area.  As far as the rest of your statement goes, I agree with you.  The Dolphins indeed looked pathetic against the lowly Bills, the Vikings are clearly one of the deepest and most talented teams in the NFL, and they do often have some pretty great individual efforts.  Our offensive line may be suspect from time to time, but the numbers don’t lie.  The Vikes gave up one sack to the Saints while the Fins allowed their soon-to-be CFL-import Chad Henne to get sacked three times by a bunch of no-name Bills.  At least our statue of a quarterback is an experienced one.  At home this D-Line is going to get rolling and get the crowd involved so much that Henne will wish he had become a lawyer… just like his mommy told him to.  It is a two way street, and while Cameron Wake might be a nice Camero, there will be four Semi Trucks headed straight at Henne.

DM:  Yeah, that’s the reputation on the Williams Wall, that they’re invulnerable and powerful… and then I watched the average Saints running game rip them up in the second half, which is probably why Childress got freaked out and abandoned the run. I’m pretty sure Ricky and Ronnie will do just fine against this aging (sense Minnesota’s team theme?) d-line. The Phins generally play to the level of their competition… I’m not selling it as a healthy football choice, but last year, we beat some great teams and took the eventual champions to the limit. Henne, while he may not have as many gray hairs as Favre, is a already a poised leader with a great arm. He was two mistakes by receivers away from having everyone talk about how amazing he was last week. And if he gets any time to throw, there may not be a thinner, weaker, more porous bunch of DBs in the league. Davone Bess and, oh yeah, top 5 receiver Brandon Marshall? They’re should have field day making those guys look bad.

AW:  Wow, I’ve never had someone approach this segment by telling me how great my team is and in turn making preemptive excuses for why their team is going to lose.  You are right, the WilliamsWall are powerful and they did have a very rough game against the Saints.  They let 79 yards on the ground, which is a disaster for that D-Line.  Oh, by the way, you let opponents average 115 yards on the ground last year.  Oh, and I hate to refresh your memory but last year you lost to the Saints by double-digits and the ONLY playoff team you beat all year was the Jets… whose own coach thought they were mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.  In essentially the same breath you say how many mistakes your receivers made last week and then talk about how great they are.  Rumor has it that Sparano wishes the Vikings would have taken Hartline instead of Camarillo when you traded for our cornerback that was fifth on the depth chart, despite the Vikings “porous bunch.”  While I credit the Saints interior line for keeping the WilliamsWall at bay, the interior of your line is in shambles and the pressure will be coming right up the middle, which in turn will make our secondary look like a handful of Pro Bowl candidates.

DM:  I just don’t want to be delusional. I know your team’s the favorite in this match-up. That’s what’s going to make going 2-0 so satisfactory. The Vikings are all reputation… Favre’s a legend, the Wall has a fun nickname, blah blah blah. Players have to prove themselves each season, and right now, all your team has proved is that they are capable of scoring single-digit points and looking like the whole group needs a respirator and a hug in the second half. It was a fluke that Favre last year came in and performed with no camp or pre-season; this year seems like it’ll be grandpa’s return to reality. And the Wall essentially gave up 79 yards in the second half, as the Saints didn’t bother running in the first.  Another moment of honesty: yah, I’d have rather you got Hartline, too, as his inconsistency would give you a full matching set at wideout. I hope you enjoy Camarillo… he’s a huge upgrade over Percy Harvin, a medical condition that walks, and Bernard Berrian, who I usually only remember plays on your team when his name gets called because he didn’t get open or dropped the ball. Last question: do you think Favre fakes an injury and retires at 0-4 or 0-5? Inquiring minds want to know!

AW:  Which is it:  You don’t want to be delusional or you want to tell me about all the “great” teams you beat last year?  Make up your mind, man!  Favre got off to a slow start last year as well, but he’ll continue to get better.  And you are sure to feel silly about your statement when both Harvin and Berrian are burning your weak defensive backs on Sunday.  Bottom line? Karlos Dansby is your best defensive player which wasn’t even the case when he played for the lackluster Cardinals defense.  On offense, an interior line made up of Jerry, Berger, and Incognito is about as weak as any in the league.  The Vikings are going to give the Fins a heavy dose of the run on Sunday, and completely wear out your thin defense to the point that it’s going to get ugly.  Henne, whose QB rating has cracked 100 once in his career, will be under such immense pressure that I give it 5:1 odds that he ends up in the fetal position on at least three occasions.  But don’t worry, we’ll make you feel better when we also beat the Patriots, Jets, and the Bills for you later on down the road. 

DM:  Are you sure you’re not a Jets fan? Pepper in a little more vulgarity, you could be Rex Ryan. One game in, the Phins are the league’s top defense (Vikings, 17th), haven’t turned the ball over, and haven’t lost. These are all things the Vikings would love to say, but can’t, because so far this season, they’re a mediocre defense with a low-scoring offense that turns the ball over and loses. Until proven otherwise, that’s the truth. And Monday, when they’re talking about how unlikely it is for an 0-2 team to make the Superbowl, try not to take it personally, even though they’ll be talking about the Vikings. Dolphins 17, Vikings 15.

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11 Responses to “Trash Talkin’ With A Fish Fan”

  1. starrc10 says:

    Harvin rarely misses time. I have to wonder if anyone thinks him missing so much practice time hurts his performance in games.

    Also, have the number one defense after beating the Bills? Ho hum.

  2. Tomb... says:

    “Are you sure you’re not a Jets fan? Pepper in a little more vulgarity, you could be Rex Ryan.”

    Props to your friend, Adam. That actually made me laugh out loud.

    That was a fun read, good debate from both of you.

    • Adam Warwas says:

      Don’t go giving him credit, Tomb. Trust me, I know this guy, you give him one little bit of credit and all of the sudden his ego inflates worse than Dan Marino’s.

      • Tomb... says:

        Gotcha…then I’ll remark that in this case less is Moore. Dawson Moore to be specific. Far be it from me to swell either of his heads.

        Easy ol’ pal Freds, it was a joke!

  3. Fragile Freds says:

    AK –

    Out of respect for you, your old pal Fragile will be gentle with his comments about that debate and your friend. But why in the hell did you pick “Rain Man” as your mentor? Good golly Freds expected to hear “10 minutes to Wopner” any minute.

  4. Fragile Freds says:

    See that, well, now Freds needs to apologize to his new pal Dawson Moore. No offense Dawson, Freds is sure you’re a great guy and an “excellent driver” and by the way, Freds agrees with you about K Mart.

  5. Fran the Man says:

    ‘Ol Dawson won’t have to worry about what’s for dinner Sunday night. . .He’ll have a lot of words to eat.

  6. B. Grant says:

    As much as Adam clearly won the trash-talkin’ battle, I would find it much more satisfying if we win the game on Sunday.

  7. […] this week, I trash talked with my good friend Dawson (A Dolphins Fan) about the upcoming matchup.  Much to his dismay, he […]

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