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Trash Talking With Packer Ranters

Every time the Vikings beat, er, I mean play the Packers I ask the Packer Ranter to do a little trash talking segment with me.  This time around, the Packer Ranter used both their writers to contribute to the piece, so I guess now I am referring to them as Packer Ranters.  As always, I’m in purple and they are in that “greenish” puke color.

I let them get the last word, but the Vikings surely won’t be so kind:

Well, it is that time once again Packer Ranter, when gravity itself could cease to exist and the only concern Vikings and Packers fans would have is how it will affect Sunday Night’s game.  So, while my team is struggling to play up to their potential and your team is struggling to find 45 healthy guys to play football, it is time to start another round of trash talk.  I have to wonder if you are hesitant about doing so, however, as every time we have done this segment to date your team has been on the losing end.  If you were a superstitious person, I would completely understand your hesitance to even respond.

I am indeed superstitious, but I am well aware of the small corner of the cosmos that I inhabit, and I understand that nothing I do has any effect on the Packers.  That said, I have sacrificed 2 chickens and done an interpretive dance just to be sure that karmic balance is reached.  You’re correct in pointing out the Packers have been ravaged by injuries, but this week should see Clay Matthews and Ryan Pickett back, both who are immeasurably important to our defense, one against the run and one against the pass.  Hopefully, this helps against AP and Brent.  Speaking of injuries, are you excited about the Lito Sheppard era beginning in earnest in Minnesota?  I gotta say, I am.

Sacrificed two chickens?  I thought stuff like that was every day practice in Wisconsin.  I wonder if Matthews and Pickett will be anywhere close to 100% to provide that much needed help.  With scummy weather in line for Sunday Night this game could very well be decided on the ground, and we all know who is superior in that department.  The one guy that worries me most in the ground game on your team is Marshawn Ly- oh, wait, never mind.  Lito has played well for us so far, with the exception being last week, but luckily we are getting Chris Cook back to knock him down a notch on the depth chart.  Solid running, solid defensive line play, and solid tackling is a formula for victory in this one, and all those things are something the Vikings are superior to the Packers in.  Don’t worry about the cold weather though, we’ve kept the third place seat warm for you and you’ll be sitting in it on Monday.

Actually, Robert lives in WI, I live in Minneapolis. I tossed the chicken carcasses at Mall Of America Field (MOA Field? Seriously?) for good measure yesterday. You can probably still go pick them up if you’re looking for something to eat tonight. Meh, Matthews at 75% is more than enough to dominate your tackles, and Ryan Pickett shouldn’t have much trouble with…which one of your centers is starting Sunday? Oh never mind, it’s BJ Raji at nose tackle against your no-name center, and Pickett going against…Anthony Herrera, wow. Throw in Cullen Jenkins and the Packers have 982 lbs on the D-line, but sure, keep thinking you will be able to run all day. Brandon Jackson is no worse or better than Marshawn Lynch, so why mortgage the future with a midseason trade?  I mean, I get why the Vikings did it, you’re desperate, but to throw away draft picks just isn’t sustainable, which Zygmunt will realize in the coming (read: next) years. Chris Cook going on a bum wheel against Greg Jennings…or any Packer receiver? I’ll take that walking away. You’re playing the cold weather card? I think I can hear the creaking in Favre’s joints from here, hopefully his texting hand is alright after the game. Ray Edwards is pretty much the only pressure you MIGHT get on Rodgers because Jared Allen has never had success against Chad Clifton. One question I have: does Ray Edwards practice all these cheap shots, or is he just inherently a dirty player?

I just don’t want you to get your hopes up, especially when it comes to the passing game.  After all, the Vikings have been responsible for Drew Brees, Chad Henne, and Tony Romo having their lowest passing totals of the season.  If Rodgers goes into a wet and sloppy Sunday Night game thinking he’ll be able to pass all over the Vikings, then he’s got another thing coming.  And you KNOW Jackson isn’t running for 100 yards against us.  With Percy Harvin, Randy Moss, and Adrian Peterson on the field, the Vikings should be able to put up enough points to beat Crosby’s four field goals.  I’m not too high on our offensive line, but considering we have given up less sacks and our ground game is leap years better than yours… I think we’ll do just fine.  Oh, and when Rodgers is running around like a chicken with his head cut off, just remember that karma has a way of reminding people why not to throw chicken carcasses at public buildings.  Normally, however, karma is able to get that message to people by the time they graduate from junior high.

I’ll take any chicken runningaround with his head cut off that has 12 rushing TDs in two and a half seasons. Also, that chicken with a head cut off running around means Brandon Jackson doesn’t have to rush for 100 yards for the Packers to be successful. I believe it’s referred to as a mobile QB, which Favre can only be called if you’re referring to his ability to send dong shots on the fly with his cell. What was the Vikings record in those games where they held Brees, Henne, and Romo to their lowest passing totals? 1 and 3? Seems like odds I’d take. The Vikes got the best of the Packers last year at Lambeau, Robert and I witnessed it first hand, but things always change. You have a confidence that far exceeds your coaches ability, and the Packers have talent that far exceeds their mediocre record. The universe will be balanced out Sunday night, my Junior High Eastern Philosophy Course taught me that. As far as public buildings go, will Mall of America Field be left standing as a museum honoring the Vikings’ futility after they have moved to L.A.? If so, I’d probably go wander around those beautiful cement concourses for an hour or two. Packers 30 Vikings 21.

As always, thanks to Packer Ranter(s) for participating, and feel free to head on over to their site to continue the trash talk for yourself.

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4 Responses to “Trash Talking With Packer Ranters”

  1. B. Grant says:

    Nice job, Adam. You’re still undefeated. Imagine… actually trying to defend the Packers in an exchange like this. I would give the guy an A for effort, but since he lives in Minnesota, he’s a traitor, so I give him nothing!

  2. Brett says:

    That guy is hardcore if that’s his real picture on the Packer Ranter site. Natural Cheese Head…. crazy!

    • Jawsers says:

      Hahaha I went to check it out.

      Sad part was there was an ad on that site that said become the Roughriders 13th man. I think a tear rolled down my cheek.

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